Alien vs. Christian – First Encounter

Imagine aliens just came to visit us here on earth and we told them we are Christians. You know aliens are intelligent, so just imagine this conversation.


Alien: Hey, my friend.

Human: Hey dawg.

Alien: What are you?

Human: I am a human being.

Alien: Ok, I believe in nature and science. I want to learn from you.

Human: I hate science.

Alien: You what?

Human: Science is for dumb people.

Alien: What the fuck? Ok, what do you humans believe in?

Human: We believe there is a man in the sky who is punishing the whole world because a talking snake convinced a woman made from ribs to eat a magic apple that gives people knowledge.

Alien: Laugh my fucking alien ass off loud. (Lmfaaol)

Human: What?

Alien: Oh no, don’t mind me, go on. I’m recording this conversation for my friends on Jupiter, so tell me more about this man in the sky.

Human: He lives with men with wings, and he is protecting the world from a rebellious wingman, who is a sinner. This rebel is a hater and he burns people in a lake of fire.

Alien: lmfaaol! Oh my alien, he does what?

Human: If you sin, you go to a place called hell and you burn forever even if you steal a sweet, but you can be forgiven.

Alien: How? Lol

Human: Well, if you believe in the man in the sky’s son. He is the guy that walked on water, fed 5000 people with just 2 loafs of bread, then died and woke up 3 days later.

Alien: Lmfaaol! I love this place. Shit, I ain’t leaving earth.

Human: You have to leave because the man in the sky will come and judge all the people on earth, dead or alive.

Alien: But that’s trillions of people!

Human: Yes, he got a book, and this book got all the names of all the people that have ever lived.

Alien: How big is the book?

Human: I don’t know.

Alien: Ok, tell me more please. Lol

Human: Only one person is definitely not going hell, and that is Noah.

Alien: Noah?

Human: Yes, Noah. He is the guy that survived the flood that killed everyone; he had all the animals of the world in one boat.

Alien: Lmfaaol, Lmfaaol! I love this place, do you have brains? Do you know how to use them?

Human: No, we don’t use them because a 2000 year old book tells us not to rely on our own understanding.

Alien: Ok man, I can’t wait to tell my friends the shit that’s going on here.

Human: May God be with you.

Alien: God?

Human: The man in the sky.

Alien: I come from the sky. Trust me there is no man there.

Human: He is invisible.

Alien: Lmfaaol! Shit, I love human beings.


Tsepo Phokeng – Cape Town, South Africa

Tsepo-PhokengTsepo was raised in the Boland and holds a deistic outlook on life. He believes in a higher power but not in any freaky sky bible fairytale. His favourite quote is by Dan Brown and it goes, “The only difference between you and God is that you have forgotten that you are divine.” He loves writing, and when he’s not writing on walls, he’s writing in books, on his shower door, or on himself.



4 thoughts on “Alien vs. Christian – First Encounter

  1. Pingback: Alien vs. Christian – First Encounter | tsepo1987

  2. Tsepo you are an idiot, a racist fuck and a really big mouth! Your posts on fb about firearms and shooting white people well all they have achieved is that a group of us have made sure your name photo and comments are known by the board and commissioner at central firearms registry! So you can kiss ever getting a firearm license goodbye! You have the IQ level of an amoeba and someone should do you a favour and slap some sense into you! If you can’t find someone to help, give me a shot if happily oblige you baboon!

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